How Safe Do You Feel in Your Own Mind?

In the corporate jungle, bringing your full, authentic self to work isn’t always easy. Underneath the surface of professionalism and performance lies the internal challenge of integrating our instinctive survival system. In order to protect us, it constantly scans for threat or rejection, subtly shaping how we show up, speak up, and connect.

Psychological safety is the state where we can take interpersonal risks to freely speak, share, and be vulnerable, without fear of judgment or blame. It creates a space for authenticity and respect, rather than avoiding conflict or “just being nice”. When we feel safe, our nervous system softens, our thinking becomes clearer, creativity flows, and our interactions feel more connected and meaningful.

To understand what drives this sense of safety, neuroscientist and author Dr. David Rock developed the SCARF model, which identifies five core social needs that influence how safe we feel in relationships. When these needs are met, we feel open and engaged; when they are not, our brain shifts into self-protection mode.

Pop Up Street Art - Artist unknown

The five SCARF domains are:

S – Status: Our sense of worth and standing in relation to others. We feel safe when we’re respected and valued, and unsafe when we feel belittled or overlooked.

C – Certainty: Our need to know what to expect. Unclear communication or unpredictable situations can trigger anxiety, while clarity and consistency foster trust.

A – Autonomy: The feeling of control over our choices. When we have freedom to make decisions, we feel empowered; when we’re micromanaged, our decisions become fear driven.

R – Relatedness: The sense of connection and belonging. Feeling included, understood, and supported strengthens psychological safety; separation, being misunderstood or excluded reduces it.

F – Fairness: The perception that decisions and processes are just and equitable. A fair environment builds trust, while perceived unfairness creates threat and disengagement.

While this model is helpful to improve team dynamics, it also offers powerful insight when turned inward. Our brain doesn’t distinguish between real and imagined experiences, therefore our inner dialogue directly shapes our sense of safety. When we replay worries, anticipate rejection, or criticize ourselves, our nervous system responds as if those threats are real, activating the same stress responses we would feel in an unsafe environment. On the other hand, when we speak to ourselves with compassion, handle uncertainty with trust, and meet our mistakes with understanding, we build a sense of inner safety. In essence, the way we relate to our own thoughts and emotions forms a psychological contract with ourselves — one that defines how safe we feel within our own mind.

By observing how these five needs show up in our thoughts and emotions, we can begin to notice which inner patterns foster calm and which trigger threat. This awareness reveals how healthy (or harsh) our self-talk truly is for our nervous system. From here, we can gently unpack the beliefs and experiences that created these patterns and begin to cultivate new, more supportive ways of relating to ourselves.

When we start to explore how safe we feel within our own mind, we begin to understand the subtle ways our nervous system communicates to us, i.e., through tension, hesitation, or calm. These signals are not flaws to fix but invitations to listen more deeply.

By using the SCARF model as a lens for self-enquiry, you can start to recognise where your inner world feels supported and where old patterns of fear or self-criticism might still hold power. This awareness is the first step toward cultivating psychological safety from within.

Reflection Exercise – Do you feel safe within your own mind?
Take a few moments to explore this SCARF-based self-enquiry questionnaire. Download here

Cultivating Inner Safety Tool - Breathing Exercise 4-7-8

Try this breath-work video created by our DeepSpaceCollective music branch, when you need a quick fix to soothe your nervous system, practicing the 4-7-8 breathing technique can help your body shift from fight-or-flight to safety. This is mainly due to the emphasis on a longer exhalation which signals to your body that it is safe, and allows it to shift into a state of rest and relaxation.

Cultivating psychological safety within your own mind is an act of deep self-compassion. It’s how you create the conditions for growth, healing, and authentic connection, from the inside out.

The Power of Role Modelling and the Mindset It Shapes

This week, I was given the opportunity to reflect deeply on the life of my legendary grandmother, Evelyn Martin, who passed away three years ago on 30 September.

To many, she was an icon — the longest-serving announcer on LM Radio, and a familiar voice on Springbok Radio and Radio Highveld. To her listeners, she was a soothing voice and a trusted companion over the airwaves from the 1950s through the 1980s.

To me, she was Avó — my fun, giving, and deeply inspirational grandmother.

Growing up around her shaped my mindset in ways I only fully understand now. Watching her work, I learned that women could be capable, caring, confident, and full of life — even in times when female voices were only just being recognised in professional spaces.

I remember staying up late to listen to her broadcasts, tagging along to the radio station, and helping her choose songs from the LP catalogue. Back then, many songs were censored in South Africa — even “Like a Virgin” by Madonna — and I remember feeling secretly rebellious hearing the “real” version with her. That moment planted an early seed of curiosity, courage, and freedom of expression.

She also taught me gratitude and generosity. “Eat your food,” she’d say, “there are starving children in Africa.” But she didn’t just say it — she lived it, bringing meals to those less fortunate and showing me that compassion is something we do, not just something we feel.

Looking back, I realise how much she modelled grace under pressure — even while carrying the anxiety of living through uncertain times, including being evacuated when the radio station in Mozambique was taken over by armed forces.

From her, I learned three powerful mindset lessons that continue to shape my mindset today:

• To speak with confidence and authenticity, no matter the audience.

• To be grateful and give to those in need, and

• To show up as my brightest, truest self.

My grandmother didn’t just tell me what I could become — she showed me. Through her example, I learned that when we embody courage, kindness, and authenticity, we give others permission to see those same possibilities within themselves.

Her voice might no longer fill the airwaves, but her influence continues to shape how I show up every day — with gratitude, grace, and a deep belief in human potential.

Evelyn Martin working at LM Radio.

What is your mindset and where does it come from?

Imagine walking through the rooms of your inner house with a flashlight. Each room holds the beliefs, attitudes, and stories you’ve gathered over time. Some of these beliefs light the way forward, while others cast shadows and keep you stuck.

Your mindset is this collection of beliefs — the “set” patterns of thought from which you experience life. It’s shaped from childhood, by the words of parents, teachers, and role models. Culture, society, relationships, the media and the environments you move through continue to add to it. Over time, these patterns feel familiar, even safe.

But here’s the thing: while they offer certainty, they can also limit possibility. For example, someone with a fixed belief like “I’m just not creative” may avoid trying new things. That belief feels secure, but it dims their light, blocking the discovery of talents and joy that could expand their world.

We all carry a bright light within us, yet life’s stresses and set ways of thinking can dim it. As a mindset coach, I support clients by offering a safe space to pause, express, and reflect on these beliefs — so they can decide which ones still serve them, and which they’re ready to release.

💭 Reflection: What belief or thought is dimming your light right now? And what mindset shift could help you see it differently?